Looking at 33

Just thoughts this time…

No article, no rants about how the government isn’t spending MY tax dollars well, just some random thoughts about life, that is what this blog thing was supposed to be about right?

I look around me at what people term ‘society’.  I grew up in a conservative religion and embrased that religion for a good portion of my life.  I grew up with expectations, about what I was going to do, where I was going to go, get married, have kids etc.  I was always encouraged to do whatever I wanted to do, but I never even fathomed a life without being married and having children.  

For some reason I thought it would all just drop into my lap without having to work at it or any trial and error.  Mr Right would show up one day, we’d ‘know’ immediately and get married to live happily ever after with 3.2 children and a dog.  Life isn’t like that now is it?

I see all these marriages and relationships that don’t work.  I see stress and strife, mis-communication, mis-understandings and realize yet again that life isn’t a fairy tale and mr right isn’t going to swoop in and take me away.  Hell if he tried I’d most likely press charges.

I do want my own child, and the older I get the more that comes to the forefront of my mind, simply as my body is getting older and it does make a difference in age when having a baby.  I do have my nephews, but as much as I love those two they’re not mine.  I could always adopt later, and if I don’t end up having my own I’ll end up adopting a little girl from some impoverished country.  I am simply fascinated by the genetic craps roll that happens when a child is made and which genes would breed true.

So here I am looking at my 33rd birthday, childless, spouseless, though I do have the dog.  I’m supporting myself, own my own house and car and I’m happy.  I hang out with a bunch of single people, some of which I’m closer to than others, but I am certainly not lonely by any means.  I do wish I had someone to come home to, to cuddle with when I’m feeling overwhelmed or upset, I think that is part of human nature, we are social animals.